Seeking validation from God

As I sit by my window, with the sun blazing on my face [rare uk win], I ask myself - Why am I talking like this? Who do I think I am?

Jokes, I've been ruminating on this topic for years and haven't been able to get it off my chest. So here goes:

Whether through prayer, our relationships, the communities we engage or the work we pursue, a faith-based lifestyle is ultimately built around our obligations. They shape our priorities, guide our decisions and give meaning to how we move through the world. Sounds easy on the outset, but often times other factors come into play which make practising faith difficult.

If God should be at the forefront of everything we do, why do we find ourselves so easily distracted? Well, simple - with our fears, anxieties and insecurities attached to people’s perception of us, we often go through life needing to be seen, liked and validated by others. Our ego pulls us in one direction, while our intellect another. When we have full conviction in our beliefs, whether in faith, an ideology or a movement, the courage to act privately and publicly is present no matter who's opposing. As Muslims, we know what's to come, but do we truly believe it?

If the veil was lifted, my belief would not increase

If we felt an ounce of this quote attributed to Imam Ali, we would be walking exemplars of the prophetic tradition. This is integrity and the pinnacle of faith - with every good being an of shoot of this. It couples sincerity, contentment, wanting for others what we want for ourselves [at the very least], courage in the face of injustice and balance, amongst other traits. We won’t care to be liked, we won’t care to be seen, our confidence will sky rocket, we’ll have self respect and high standards while not entertaining anything misaligned. All the traits of a secure and discipline person not caring to be validated by the world, but by God.

This mindset shift makes it far easier to choose to be better whilst limiting vice. Things are easier to do and let go of when our validation comes from Him alone. Envy isn’t just a vice, it’s a mindset. Although one of its roots lies in insecurity, the real root is a lack mentality, reflecting our relationship and understanding of God. Envy, arrogance, ostentation and other vice will begin to wither once this is corrected. He can give us what someone else has, and better for us in the context of our lives.

The more secure we are in ourselves, the less influenced we are by others

So how do we strengthen our relationship with God?

Unfortunately, many children are introduced to faith through fear of God rather than love of God. While reverence has its place, a faith built primarily on fear can feel heavy, restrictive and harsh. Our perception of God shapes not only our spirituality but how we move through the world, approach ourselves and relate to others. Imagine if that foundation were rooted in love instead. God is al-Wadud, The Most Loving, and when we see this quality embodied in people, it's difficult to unsee. There's a gentleness, warmth and compassion to it that can make us rethink everything we previously believed faith was supposed to feel like.

Love and mercy are at the forefront of thriving Muslims communities

We cannot fully love someone we fear and we cannot fully love someone we don't know. To love Him is to know Him. The following are foundational points to consider which can be used as a launchpad for deeper understandings and drive us to actively mend our relationship with Him and ourselves:

• Ground ourselves in Aqidah
• When we ask, we ask with adab - not transactionally [chances are, if we’re transactional with God, we’re transactional with others and vice versa]
• We have a good opinion of Him

God can lift us up no matter how many times we fall and make the path easier for us aslong as we're sincere in trying. This understanding nurtures a healthier relationship with Him, one rooted in hope rather than despair. Most people won't give us the same grace, which is why seeking validation from others is moot and blocks us from growth.

And whoever comes to Me walking, I will go to him running

Throughout the highs and lows of life, we're continually shaped into better versions of ourselves, towards our potential and ultimately guided back to Him - hopefully by choice. We're learning to respond more appropriately each time something heads our way. In times of ease, we're asked whether we'll remain grateful and in times of hardship, whether we'll remain patient - with the ultimate goal being contentment and not wanting to want.

When periods of seclusion are forced on us, it teaches us how to be alone, reflect on life choices, remove distractions and realign with what truly matters. They are invitations to deepen our relationship with God and ourselves through deep reflection. The Prophet ﷺ experienced continued periods of seclusion to prepare him for what was to come. We also need moments of retreat, but we must also learn how to remain grounded and connected to God within the noise of everyday life - in the mess, in the thick of it and within the distractions - khalwa fil jalwa.

A strong foundation as a launchpad for success

The people we choose and how we engage with every facet of life are a reflection of the work we've done on ourselves - or lack thereof. If we want more for ourselves, we have to be more. When we move securely, the quality of our relationships and habits will flourish and we'll have little time for nonsense. We'd seek out people with integrity and experiences rooted in faith and God.

Qur'an, salah and other acts would be done simply because God has asked it from us, not because we want something in return. We turn the thought, 'I woke up for fajr' to 'I've been woken up by Him', chosen in a sense. It's a small step in keeping God at the forefront of our mind and seeing that He ultimately comes first, while all the distractions fall to the wayside. This sincerity helps cultivate this relationship further.

Once we build these foundations in our relationship with Him, we'll soon find that our needs and wants are slowly aligning with what He wants from us. Our main goal becomes seeking His pleasure alone. I hope one day we all continuously taste the sweetness of this.