Seeking validation from God

As I sit by my window, with the sun blazing on my face [rare uk win], I ask myself - Why am I talking like this? Who do I think I am?

Jokes, I've been ruminating on this topic for years and haven't been able to get it off my chest. So here goes:

For people who conform [actively] to a faith based lifestyle, we try to revolve our life around our obligations. Whether through prayer, in our relationships and friendships, the communities we engage in and even work. Sounds easy on the outset, but often times other factors come into play which make practising faith difficult.

If God should be at the forefront of everything we do, why do we find ourselves influenced and distracted so easily? Well, simple - we often go through life needing to be seen, liked and validated by others. Our fears, anxieties and insecurities are usually attached to people’s perceptions of us. Our ego pulls us in one direction, while our intellect another. We recognise our lack and feel the guilt wash over us, but sometimes run right back because it's tangible and makes us feel good in the moment.

When we have full conviction in our beliefs, whether in faith, an ideology or a movement, the courage to act [privately and publicly] is present, no matter who's looking or opposing. As Muslims, we know [in detail] what's to come. But do we truly believe it?

If the veil was lifted, my belief would not increase

This quote is attributed to Imam Ali and I find it to be one of the most beautiful things to reflect on. If we truly felt an ounce of this, we would be walking exemplars of the prophetic tradition. This is integrity, and the pinnacle of faith in my opinion. Every good is an of-shoot of this. It couples sincerity, contentment, wanting for others what we want for ourselves, courage in the face of injustice and balance, amongst other traits. We won’t care to be liked, we won’t care to be seen, our confidence will sky rocket, we’ll have self respect and high standards and won't entertain anything misaligned. All the traits of a secure and discipline person not caring to be validated by the world, but by God.

The cheat code to life is seeking validation from God alone

It's a complete mindset shift, which makes it easier to be better and limit vice. Every trait we have is a reflection of our relationship with God. Things are easier to do and let go of when our validation comes from Him alone. Envy isn’t just a vice, it’s a mindset and I believe one of its roots lies in insecurity. The real root however is a lack mentality, which is a reflection of our relationship and understanding of God. Envy, arrogance, ostentation [being performative] and other vice will begin to wither once this is corrected. He can give us what someone else has, and better for us in the context of our life.

So how do we strengthen our relationship with God?

First we must know God

It's unfortunately quite common that children are raised on fear of God, rather than love of God. This, in my opinion, is one of the most detrimental things we could instil in someone. It's heavy and harsh. This notion is a precursor to how we move through life. Now, imagine it was based in love? God is al-Wadud, and when we see this name embodied in people, we can't unsee it. It's gentle, kind and will make us question everything we've previously experienced.

Love and mercy are at the forefront of thriving Muslims communities

We cannot fully love someone we fear. And we cannot fully love someone we don't know or understand. To love Him is to know Him [and vice versa]. The following are a few foundational points to consider:

• Ground ourselves in Aqidah
• When we ask, we ask with adab - and not transactionally
• We have a good opinion of Him

The above are a launchpad for deeper understandings and drive us to actively and easily mend parts of ourselves that are lacking.

And whoever comes to Me walking, I will go to him running

God can pick us up no matter how many times we fall and He’ll make it easy for us aslong as we’re sincere in trying. This mindset nourishes our relationship with Him. Most people won’t give us this grace, which is why validation from others becomes moot - it blocks us from growth.

Throughout the highs and lows of life, God wants us to become the best versions of ourselves and reach our full potential. Experiences in life are there to bring us back to Him - hopefully by choice. During periods of ease, do we remember Him and are thankful? During periods of hardships, do we remember Him and stay patient?

If you're passive with growth, God will force it out of you

When heavy periods of seclusion are forced on us, it’s not only teaching us something specific in the context of our lives, but it’s also helping us learn how to; be alone, reflect on life choices, remove distractions so we can get to where He intends us to be faster etc. Either way, these are important periods to strengthen our relationship with Him [and ourselves] through deep reflection. The Prophet ﷺ had continued periods of seclusion to prepare him for what was to come. We also need that in our own lives - by choice. We have to learn to be with God in the mess, in the thick of it, within the distractions - khalwa fil jalwa.

The more secure you are in yourself, the less influenced you are by others

He’s teaching us to stay grounded and connected with Him through it all. We'll continue to have trials throughout life, but we're learning to respond more appropriately each time a difficulty heads our way. The ease which comes with not wanting to want, contentment, going with the flow and trusting He has our best interest at heart is unmatched. I’m doing my part, He’ll do the rest. The things in life that are meant for us are usually facilitated for us easily, sometimes without us even trying.

A strong foundation as a launchpad for success

I truly believe the people we choose and how we engage with every facet of life are a reflection of the work we've done on ourselves - or lack thereof. If we want more for ourselves, we have to be more.

Our relationship with everything around us is a reflection of our relationship with Him

When we move in secure love, the quality of our relationships will flourish and we'll have little time for nonsense. We'd seek out people with integrity and experiences rooted in faith and God. Qur'an, salah and other acts would be done simply because God has asked it from us. Not because we want something in return.

chances are, if we’re transactional with God, we’re probably transactional with people - that's the last thing we want, it's disingenuous and selfish

This mindset shift helps us cultivate this relationship further. We turn the thought, 'I woke up for fajr' to 'I've been woken up [by Him]', chosen in a sense. It's a small step in keeping God at the forefront of our mind and seeing that He ultimately comes first. All the distractions fall to the wayside. Once we build these foundations in our relationship with Him, we'll soon find that our needs and wants are slowly aligning with what He wants from us. Our main goal becomes seeking His pleasure alone. I hope one day we all continuously taste the sweetness of this.

ly, byeee x